The trolley problem

Here's the basics: you are at the bottom of a hill, standing at the switch. A runaway trolley is coming at you, if it stays on it's course a group of school children will be killed. If you throw the switch the trolley will be rerouted and kill an elderly man. If you choose to do nothing, with the knowledge that the children will die, are you as culpable for their deaths as you would be if you knowing pulled the leaver and killed the elderly man?

Let's now apply that to parenting. As a parent I find myself frequently standing at the bottom of that hill in control of a "switch": natural consequences as one form of education or my intervening in the interest of safety, whether physical or emotional. I am constantly confronted with the choice: let my kids learn a lesson by experience or to throw the switch. My intervening usually done by sharing knowledge I have and hoping they can imagine themselves in my story and perhaps walk away with understanding. It doesn't always work, there are times when they turn around and decide to try out the risky behavior anyway. So far those risks have resulted with my predicted woe. Of course, they have learned a lesson, while I have (hopefully) gained a tiny bit more respect and trust. Maybe next time I choose to intervene they'll heed my advice.

I strive for balance. It's a fine line, on one side over protective & over controlling and on the other permissive & even negligent. I don't want my kids to rebel against me, out to prove me wrong, but they need to be educated so that they can make wise choices of their own.

These lessons start early when kids are young and for the most part are fairly inconsequential, which is good for parents, we're all learning as we go. Once we're beyond the physical basics, walking, eating, pooping, things become more complicated. Interactions with others, peer pressure, respecting adults, parents setting limits, kids testing limits.

At what age is a parent no longer really in control of the switch? Or, an even vaguer idea, what amount of knowledge does your child need to accrue before you can back away from the switch and let them assume responsibility?

Back to that out of control trolley: as a parent if you know your child (14) is getting ready to engage in, or is engaging in unprotected sex, knowing the probable outcome, are you culpable when you choose to do nothing and she gets pregnant?